The last few years have been full of exciting proposals, saying yes to the dress, and matrimony for my friend group. We have been entrenched in the wedding industry as brides, maids of honor, and bridesmaids for seriously years now; so long we are practically professionals, and we have things to SAY! Weddings are an EXPERIENCE for all involved, but especially for the bridal party. Of course, take our opinions and do what you want with them, but we are bursting to share these truths with you!
(Disclaimer: this post was written prior to Aubrey’s wedding, but after Sam & Nikki’s weddings. Stay tuned for more on Aubrey’s wedding.)

Aubrey’s Advice

The guest list, seating chart, and all things ~family~ related are the most political and polarizing things you’ll do in your life (unless you’re a politician) and no one takes it lightly. We know you weighed the pros and cons of every decision, asked for advice in Facebook groups, relied on the clarity of people outside the situation… and you still may have gotten backlash for your decision. We are here to tell you that we support your decision, we know it was hard, and no bride will ever please everyone.
Spend your money on what makes you and your partner happy. If it’s music, food, cake, photo booth, your gown, your shoes… spend the big bucks where it makes you happy to spend it.
It’s emotional. All of it. For everyone. Give grace to yourself, your partner, and your wedding party.

Nikki’s Advice

Ask for help. Wedding planning is overwhelming and you cannot do it all on your own. At times, it feels as if no one cares or wants to help you, but really they just don’t know what you need. Share your needs and give specific tasks to those around you. Give yourself less stress where you can.
Share what you want with who you want. If you only want your mother to see your dress prior to the wedding day, then so be it. You will get some backlash from people who want to see the dress, the centerpieces, your wedding colors, but leave it at that. Tell them they will see it on your special day and let it go. You do not need a reason to second guess everything because a couple people disagree with you. It is YOUR day, YOUR choice.

Take a moment. Your wedding day will fly by. It will be 7am one moment and the next you’re at the reception and it is 8pm. So, in between the ceremony, the pictures, dancing and talking to people, just take 2 minutes to stand in the corner with your partner and take it all in. Take a breath. You are now married and all of your hard work was for this day to celebrate the two of you. So, take a moment together.

Sam’s Advice

Do what YOU and your fiance want. You will not be able to please everyone and almost every decision you make is going to have a disagreeing party. The simplest solution is to do what works best for you and your partner. Pushy family and even friends can force their opinions and it can be overwhelming. At the end of the day, this is for you as a couple, and not them. Those who truly love and support you will support the decisions that you and your partner make. Decisions for a wedding may be the first big financial decisions that you two make together. That can create a lot of pressure. Just remember that this day is for you and it should be exactly what the two of you want, and everything else will fall into place (I promise).
Be prepared: weddings bring out the worst in people (and sometimes the best). I was personally surprised to experience backlash from those I never expected, and on the contrary, support from those who I was prepared to receive the worst from. It was one of the first real adult life experiences where I learned who I could really count on and who I couldn’t. I’ve learned that everyone in your life has a role, some big and some small, and having a wedding really helps to highlight what that role is for the people close to you in your life. That sounds scary, but it’s actually a good thing. There’s relief and value in knowing this, not only now, but in the future when you need support in making other big decisions.
Something will probably go wrong on your wedding day. THAT’S OKAY! Be prepared for setbacks (because it’s unrealistic to expect them not to happen) and take them with grace. Nobody will notice except you (and maybe your groom or a few members of your wedding party)!
- For example: I had a beautiful strapless lace dress for my wedding. I was unaware that with wear and exposure to body heat, lace stretches. So as you can imagine, with the hustle and bustle of the ceremony, party bus, and photography, my dress had stretched out and by dinner, it was barely staying up at all. Luckily for me, I had support from my maids of honor, who spent 45 minutes in the bathroom with me, reassuring me and safety pinning my dress in a few inches, so I could stand without it falling down. I was upset in the moment, but once we fixed my dress and I returned to dinner, I’d forgotten about it and was able to move on and enjoy myself. Something like this could easily ruin a wedding day, but I’d spent so much time and money on my big day, I was determined to get past it!
Have fun and enjoy every moment. You’ve surrounded yourself with people you love and enjoy being around, so make it as fun as you can to keep your sanity! It goes by FAST… seriously. I know people say that and it’s cliche but it’s also TRUE. One minute you’ve just gotten engaged and you’re ready to start this wedding-planning journey, and in the blink of an eye you’re standing in the middle of the dance floor for your first dance. It’s emotional, stressful, fun, sentimental, and bitter-sweet all at once. Try to find small moments throughout the whole process to take a step back and just look around, breathe, and take it all in.
The best part really is being married! Don’t let people knock down the married life. You’ve chosen and gotten to know your partner, and you’ve done the hard work of successfully pulling off a wedding, and now you get to relax and spend the rest of your life with the one person who makes all the stress worth it. I love being married. And I’d do the whole thing over again!

Kayla’s Advice

Just be in the moment. Some of my favorite memories are the ones made with the girls in the flower section at Michael’s Craft Store, buying the wrong chocolate three times before the bridal shower, and eating Chinese in the mud room while the bride realizes she is getting married in two days. These are your people, love them hard. Nothing will be perfect, or easy, but it will always be an adventure. You can make it fun by embracing the moment and letting it ride out.
Planning is challenging and you will have to learn confidence in your decisions, even if you’re not the one getting married. Maid of Honor duties include advocating for your bride, even when others think they know better.
Create a friend tradition. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was an important, soul-opening movie for me. My friends and I decided to recreate that feeling using a hanky with our embroidered married names and dates of our weddings on it. The bride will then use it as her “something borrowed and something blue” for each wedding. Once we are all married, we will pass it around year-to-year for fun and memories.
At the end of the day, do what feels right. Weddings are an industry now and everyone has all sorts of ideas, expectations, and standards… if your dream day includes a white hot air balloon, book that thing, but if it is just a few close people at a magistrate, that’s good too.